


The Music Gave Me Away

by colormyworldbright



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Also kylo is 21, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And ofc finnpoe is basically married, And reylo happens, Basically they're all in a band, F/M, Finnpoe are 19, I'm reylo trash, Love/Hate, M/M, Mentions of underage sex and drinking, Not to begin with though, Oh and the first order is a gang, Rey's 18, Romance, Semi explicit (...mature?) Sex, band!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-14 11:17:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5741734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormyworldbright/pseuds/colormyworldbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed simple enough. At least it was in the movies. Flyer. Audition. Band Members. Band. Sure there'd be issues but nothing too serious. At least,  that's what Rey thought until Kylo Ren showed up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It seemed simple enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an unbeta-ed plot bunny inspired by another band!au I read as well as my deep need for modern!au tfa. 
> 
> Also, this is a sort of prologue so excuse the short length.
> 
> Update: currently beta-ed by the totally awesome tfwfangirlsatk

\- - -

 

It seemed simple enough. At least it was in the movies. Close up on a flyer announcing auditions for band members. Flash to a montage of people who can hardly hold their instrument right as they attempt to play a song. Slow down and focus in on the last person who's actually decent despite something that makes the band members reluctant. But everything works out in the end.    
  
Real life wasn't like movies, Rey knew that  but  _ come on _ . She hadn't been able to post flyers around school, because her band wasn't a school organization. The audition process took a full goddamn hour. And the people that hadn't sucked entirely were... troubled. Hux, the ginger with the amazing piano skills, was a known member of the First Order, a huge frat-turned-gang on campus with a reputation that made even the fiercest teachers uneasy. The guy who signed up under the name "Kylo Ren" was just as shady. Rey had already heard rumors about him; his temper was infamous. He didn't talk much but had participated in some intense fights.  He was trained in some sort of martial art. He was also, apparently, brilliant on bass.    
  
Rey couldn't help but think the universe has a sick sense of humor. Hmm, Rey wants a bass player and pianist? Sure, how about an unstable fighter a messed up gang member.   
  
She turned to her bandmates. Poe raised an eyebrow. Rey shrugged. Finn broke the silence, "They're really good."    
  
"They're assholes." Rey said decidedly. Even without knowing what kind of reputations they had, she would have come to that conclusion: The arrogant manner Hux addressed them with, his condescending attitude, Kylo's stony silence and flippant eyerolls.    
  
"You don't know that," Poe tried.   
  
Poe the optimist. Finn the optimist. Rey...also the optimist.    
  
They're in the band.

 

\- - -


	2. Like reading his mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tells the Hux and Kylo the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit(ish) making out.
> 
> Update: Beta-ed by the lovely tfwfangirlsatk.

 

\- - -

Hux doesn't answer his phone so she leaves a message for "William Huxley." Kylo had left his address rather than a phone number. Poe and Finn want to join her, but they have a movie date planned and Rey really wants to meet tomorrow to talk band names and sound.    
  
His apartment is not what she would have expected - not that she really had expectations. It's not your usual college student apartment complex. It's in the city, sleek, modern, and new. Definitely out of her price range. (Then again, almost everything is out of her price range.)   
  
Apartment 302, third floor two across from the stairs. Found easily enough. Now just what to say?   
  
_ Hi Kylo. You made the band. See you tomorrow. _

If only it could be that simple.  
  
She rings the doorbell.   
  
His pale face greets her immediately.   
  
"Hi Kylo." She says.   
  
"Hello." He replies. His voice is deep and rich.   
  
"I'm here to tell you, obviously, that you're in the band."   
  
Instead of replying, he opens the door wider and heads inside. She's expected to follow, so she does.  
  
The inside of the apartment is just as nice as the outside. Kylo takes a seat on his sofa. Rey sits in the armchair opposite him.   
  
"So we want to meet tomorrow to discuss band names, the kind of music we’re going to play, songs--I mean I have some written already." She's blabbering. Rey never rambles like this.   
  
He looks thoughtful. Finally, he gets up. She spends the next few minutes admiring the living room. It's small but so well put together and much cleaner than you'd expect from a guy in his twenties. When he returns he has several notebooks with him.   
  
He slides one across the coffee table to her. She glances through. Every page is full of lyrics and music.   
  
He finally speaks, "That's the most recent."  
  
It's labled _21_ , his age. He moves the stack toward her.   
  
She smiles and brings out her phone. She has her songs typed on Google docs. Not all of them--she's still typing some out--but most.  
  
They read each other's music.   
  
It feels personal. Intimate. Like reading his mind.   
  
_21_ is about escape, something he clearly thinks is impossible, apathy,  winter, and night. _20_ is about death, confusion, weakness, and self-loathing. _19_ is about anger, boredom, expectations, and more anger. _18_ is about freedom and a girl. It seems happier. Then it's angry again. They must have broken up. _17_ is about running away, self-doubt, and loneliness. But there are also sprinklings of metaphorical songs. Songs about things and places and characters.   
  
As she reads she realizes this is two way. In exchange for access to Kylo's mind, he has access to hers.   
  
He interrupts her when she's about to start _16_.  
  
"I want to hear how this one sounds."  
  
It's both her favorite song and the most personal one. “Jakku.”    
  
He motions to his guitar. Within a few minutes, she's singing about the barren town she grew up in. Eyes closed shut, Rey pretends she's alone.   
  
When she finishes Kylo nods with approval, "I like the melody, but the bridge sounds a bit disjointed from the rest of it."   
"Bridges are supposed to be different."  
"Different yeah, but not like they're from a completely different song."   
She glares. Unfazed, he takes the guitar and strums something. Something perfect. He starts singing the words but slower and more rhythmic. It _does_ sound better than what she had.   
  
"I like it." Rey admits.   
  
His lip quirk up. Not quite a smile exactly, but also not a smirk. Whatever it is, it's sexy. _No, bad Rey.This guy is messed up. Plus, he's a bandmate now - no feelings._  
  
He scoots closer to give her opinions on the songs she'd marked _For Band_. She tries not to notice how close he is or how attractive his singing voice sounds.   
  
They're a good team, bouncing off each other's ideas and finishing each other's thoughts. They revise five of Rey's songs and three of Kylo's, only stopping because Rey gets a text from Poe.   
  
_/haven't heard from u all day/_ _  
_ _/u okay?/_  
  
And suddenly Rey realizes they've been working for six straight hours without a single break. And she's absolutely _famished_.   
  
Her stomach growls.   
  
"We should grab something to eat." He suggests at the sound.   
  
Embarrassed, she nods.   
  
\- - -  
  
His motorcycle doesn't look comfortable, but it is. Sitting behind Kylo with her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and her head resting on his back, Rey feels _very_ comfortable. (And a bit turned on.)   
  
He takes them to a diner nearby where he greets the waiters by name and asks for his usual and orders a very particular meal for Rey.   
  
"I can speak for myself, you know." 

  
"You've never been here before." 

  
"How do you know I'll like it?"

  
"Talk to me after you try it."    
  
The sandwich is amazing, literally one of the best things she's ever eaten. She's basically moaning with satisfaction. The milkshake he ordered for her is exactly what she would have ordered herself -right down to the extra whip cream.   
  
After ten minutes of inhaling half their meals, Rey finally speaks, "I apologize for ever doubting you."    
  
And there he goes with that little smile thing.   
  
"But," she continues, "How did you know my drink of choice?"   
  
" _ I'm a monday milkshake with extra whip cream.You're a wednesday waterbottle without any dreams. I may be silly and little naive but at least I have goals I wanna achieve. _ "  He quotes.   
  
Rey laughs, remembering the song she wrote at thirteen when another kid at the shelter was making fun of her for thinking parents would come back to her and dreaming about college.    
  
"I wrote that when I was thirteen - don't judge." She says quickly. 

  
"I've definitely written worse."   
  
"So how did you discover this place?" She asks.  
  
"Exploring freshman year, it was the only place open at 3am."   
  
She recalls songs mentioning sleepless nights.   
  
"Cool." Is all she can manage to say.   
  
"What are you studying?" He asks.  
  
"PolySci, minor in Philosophy"   
  
"Ah." He says like everything clicks.  
  
"You're going to be one of those pure at heart lawyers that fights for justice, right?" He asks, sort of sarcastically.   
  
She's immediately defensive, "We need more honest lawyers."   
  
"It's not like they'd make a difference. The world's already corrupt and messed up."  
  
"We can fix it."   
  
He looks her straight in the eye. His gaze is piercing. "Somethings aren't fixable. Some things shouldn't be fixed. The world relies on balance, good and evil, light and dark. We can't have everything be perfect."  
  
"I don't need perfection. I just want things to be fair."  
  
"Life isn't fair. You of all people should know that."  
  
"Don't act like you know me."   
  
He raises an eyebrow, "You're an orphan, full of hope and goodness and all that shit - but you're still a bit pissed, because your parents never actually came back for you. You're hardworking and honest, so you think everyone should be. You're a good person, but you're angry. You want justice for others because you didn't get it yourself. You're spirited and passionate, but you care too much about acceptance and belonging."  
  
She's speechless for a moment. Amazed he's figured that much out.  
  
Then she fires back, "You're pissed at the world because even though Mom and Dad  gave you everything in the world you never actually got them. You've been a child - acting out and breaking rules for attention. You're angry all the time, so you get self destructive, which doesn't work out very well, making you more angry. You think you're a bad person, but I think you just make bad choices and aren't strong enough to overcome the urge to make more."  
  
He furiously grabs a twenty from his wallet and storms out of the diner. Rey chases after him.   
  
"I'm sorry," she pants when she catches up to him near an ally, "I crossed a line."   
  
He doesn't even look back, he starts kicking the trash cans and slamming his fists at the wall.  
  
The tantrum lasts a couple of minutes then he's quiet. She follows him back to diner parking lot. She almost hesitates following him into the motorcycle, but she doesn't know the way to her dorm or any bus station. Plus, she left her purse at his apartment.  
  
The ride back is quiet and different from the ride there - she's not comfortable anymore. She’s a little nervous and fairly frustrated with him.  
  
When they get back to his apartment she expects him to say something. But it's not until after she's halfway out the door that he blurts out an apology and offers to drive her home.   
  
The sun has set. The bus station is half a mile away. Poe and Finn- she doesn't want to bother them.   
  
"Fine.".   
  
\- - -  
  
His black sports car is nice, to say the least. It looks like it came straight out of a commercial - shiny on the outside, smooth leather on the inside. Clean. Maybe it's new. Maybe he crashed his last one. But it lacks the new car smell. Rey figures he probably prefers the motorcycle which has definitely suffered greater wear and tear.   
  
He shows her how to access Spotify on the screen ( _the car has WiFi!_ ) and let's her sift through songs she likes.   
  
It's a long drive back to campus. Finally he says, "You're right."   
  
"Hmm?" She asks as she turns down the music.  
  
"You're right." He repeats, eyes focused on the road, "About my parents and my attitude."   
  
"You were right about me, too." She sighs.  
  
"I shouldn't have lost control of my temper." He sounds calm, like he had when she'd first spoken to him today.   
  
Rey tries to lift the blame from his shoulders, "I shouldn't have provoked you. I knew you were..." She stops, not wanting to offend him.   
  
"Dangerous?" He fills.   
  
_Yes. Exactly._  
  
"No... tempestuous." She says.   
  
He sounds like an old friend speaking fondly when he says, "You see the best in people." He does his little smile and Rey's heart flips even though he's not even looking at her.   
  
"So what do you study?" She asks.  
  
"A little bit of everything I guess." He says, "I'm undecided."   
  
Somehow, despite the fact that this makes sense for him, she gets the feeling he's lying.  
  
Then he asks a question, "So, do you think I'm a bad person?"  
  
"I said bad choices, remember?"  
  
"Don't actions make people?"   
  
"No, their feelings do. Intent and reflection says a lot about character."  
  
"So do impulses. Besides it's not like you know my intentions."   
  
"I think I define bad differently than you." Rey says.   
  
They've pulled up to her dorm.  
  
She gets out of the car.   
  
"How do you define it?" He asks.   
  
He joins her on the sidewalk, for the first time truly intending to pursue conversation with her.   
  
"Evil. Completely ruthless and irredeemable."   
  
"By that definition only a few psychopaths are bad."   
  
"Serial killers, terrorists," she supplies heading inside.  
  
He follows her, "What about corrupt politicians and your dishonest lawyers?"  
  
"They may be on the dark side now but they still have the chance to stop and make amends."  
  
He shakes his head, "What about someone who's killed? What about a rapist?"  
  
Now she's hesitant. "If they're sincerely remorseful and make amends?"  
  
"What about people who blow every chance for redemption they get?" Now it feels personal.   
  
Rey stops where she is on the stairs. She's a few steps ahead of him and can look him straight in the eye without craning her neck. "They need help the most."   
  
She feels herself getting lost in his intense gaze and turns back. "But till then they're... not good?"   
  
"What about gang members, druggies, smokers, drunks? People who don't give a shit about others?"   
  
He can't be all of those things.   
  
"What about them?"  
  
"Still good?"  
  
"Good at heart."  
  
"What about someone who's killed their father?"   
  
Now she's worried.   
  
"You didn't actually kill him." She says definitively.   
  
"Maybe not directly, but he still died because of me. He was trying to convince me to stop this First Order stuff and come home. Talk to him and my mother again."   
  
They've stopped at her door.   
  
"I told him to fuck off and go home. Kicked him out of my apartment. He got hit by a car a few minutes after he left my building."   
  
"You didn't mean for it to happen." Why is she trying to help him?   
  
"It's still my fault. What kind of person undermines everything their well meaning parents stand for? What kind of person fights for fun and doesn't care who he hurts?"  
  
"The kind of person you don't want to be anymore?" She responds and asks at the same time.   
  
"I don't know if I can change." He's frustrated.   
  
"What the hell!" She fires back, "You can't just tell me you're terrible and believe there's no way to change. That doesn't make a bad person, it makes a weak one."   
  
He's staring at her again.   
  
"Stop staring at me!" She snaps, very much annoyed. She turns and unlocks her door.   
  
To her surprise he follows her in, shuts the door behind them, and starts kissing her. It's a rough kiss all passion and anger. She responds with full force, fighting for dominance. He pushed her against the wall and starts to really, really kiss her. Her hands go underneath his shirt, clawing at him. His hands grope her ass. She pushes him to her bed, thankfully it doesn't break or anything under their weight.   
  
Their shirts come off quickly, both because of her. Rey tugs his shirt off and tossed it to the side. She takes off her own with relish, murmuring something about keeping it even. He's suckling her right breast when there's a knock at the door.   
  
"Rey I forgot my key inside. Let me in to get it." Her roommate. How ironic is it that the girl who’s already basically living with her boyfriend forgets her room key the one time Rey needs to be alone? The universe loves to play jokes on her, doesn't it?  
  
Rey springs off Kylo, puts on her shirt as quickly as possible and tosses him his.   
  
"Hey Amanda," she smiles, hoping her hair doesn't give up her previous state. "It's right there."   
  
"Kylo, I'll see you tomorrow at noon for practice." She says in lieu of a goodbye.   
  
He squirms out the door a second after Amanda comes back in.   
  
Amanda laughs the moment he's out of sight. "What are you practicing? Sex?"   
  
She points to Rey's shirt, which is apparently inside out.   
  
Before Rey can find an explanation, Amanda has already grabbed her keys and left.   
  
\- - -  
  
As she gets ready for bed, Rey tries to reconcile the two Kylos she's gotten to know. The one that's sorry, nice to waitresses, and offered to drive her home.  
Then the one that's cruel, dangerous, and always angry.   
  
Kylo Ren who she was ready to have angry sex with. Kylo Ren who she just met and already knows so much about.   
  
She bangs her head on her pillow. What is she doing?

  
\- - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if something doesn't make sense or if any grammatical or spelling errors bother you.


	3. Force, Awakened.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey encounters Kylo at a bookstore. The band has their meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by tfwfangirlsatk! She's the reason this came out so soon :)

\- - -

Rey wakes up to sunlight streaming through her windows, an old Beatles song, and leftover homework.  
  
Her instinct is the bookstore.   
  
There's one on campus, yes, but it's so damn crowded and doesn't even have a café.   
  
Rey prefers A Novel Time, the little bookstore downtown. Not only is it quiet and comfortable, but it's attached café has the best breakfast snacks.   
  
On the bus ride over she can't help but think about Kylo. Kylo _fucking_ Ren. (Kylo fucking Rey--oh shit no she _cannot go_ _there_.) What is she going to do? What is she going to say to him when she sees him at practice?

He's not a bad guy.

But he's also not the kind of person she thought she’d end up with. And she's not the kind of girl who just jumps a guy she's barely known. (Not that she hasn't had flings. In fact, she's only had flings. Never an actual relationship with, like, feelings involved.)

But then there's his intense eyes and almost smile. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

\- - -

She's still thinking about him when she gets in line at the café. That's why when she sees him get in line behind her she thinks she's imagining things. But she hears him order his coffee under the name “Kylo that's K-y-l-o.”

What the heck universe?!

He sees her of course. They stare at each other awkwardly. She should say something. But what? How can she say something when she doesn't even know what to think? So they just stare at each other as they wait for their orders.

Her scone, muffin, and tea arrive first. She stalls by adding sugar to her tea. He’s still staring at her. When he receives his coffee she finally works up the courage to say something.

“Doyouwanttostudywithme?” It comes out all at once. 

She nods to her table where she's placed her laptop and textbooks.

He nods, grabs his own laptop, and joins her.

The next hour is quiet. Rey nibbles her breakfast and takes small sips of tea as she works on philosophy notes. Kylo is typing _something_ . His breakfast is coffee - black but with several ( _more like ten_ ) packets of sugar. Bittersweet.

She finishes notes and moves on to math. Calculus is the bane of her existence. Damn honors program and its damn math requirements.

“You need need some help with that?”

She looks up, “You know calculus?”

“I'm technically in DiffEQ.” He replies.

She raises an eyebrow, “Technically?”

He switches seats, so he can take a look at the problem.

“I'm not sure you can say you're really in a class you always skip,” he explains as he starts working it.

He solves within a few minutes, making integration look easy.

She thanks him. Instead of returning to his seat across from her, he grabs his laptop and starts working again.

Kylo Ren has very nice handwriting. A whole two pages of her math spiral are covered in the problems he's worked for her now. He's basically done all her math homework.

“I know I'm only a freshman, but is there anything I can help you with?” she asks. She hates it when things aren't even.

“You ever read The Sun Also Rises?” He asks.

“I love Hemingway,” she grins.

She edits his essay, which is actually very analytical and deep.

“You should get an A on this, now that I’m through with it.” She says cheekily.

He shrugs, “Maybe if it wasn't a week late.”

“How are you passing your classes?” Rey is incredulous.

“My mother is on the board of directors. I test well. And believe it or not I'm ‘ _scary_ ',” His response is quick.

She's jealous for a split second. He can literally do anything and still keep a spot in the university where as one forgotten assignment for Rey could mean losing her scholarship and getting kicked out.

“You? Mr. Emo Streetfighter? Scary?” She sarcastically replies.

“I think it's the hair. Too good looking to be natural. Freaks people out.”

She laughs, “No, I think it’s your expression... maybe also the biceps…”

He shrugs.

\- - -

He gives her a ride to practice. A part of her remembers last night. Then another part of her remembers they need to talk. About _this_ . Whatever _this_ is.

After practice. Definitely.

They're early, of course. In fact, Finn and Poe look surprised to see them. Or maybe that's just because it's them. Together.

While Finn shows Kylo to the kitchen for drinks, Poe takes Rey aside. 

Before he can ask she explains, “I ran into him at the bookstore.”

“The bookstore?” He’s surprised, “He doesn't seem the bookstore type.”

“Oh yeah, sorry Dad. I meant a drug house.” She rolls her eyes teasingly.

“You think hanging out with him outside of band things is a good idea?” Poe asks, unfazed.

“Of course not,” she says quickly.

He nods, relieved.

She _really_ needs to talk to Kylo about this.

\- - - 

Hux arrives after a few minutes of awkward discussion about soda flavors.

The meeting/practice begins.

“So,” Rey starts, “music, what do you want to play?”

Poe shrugs. Hux stares. Finn sips.

Kylo speaks, “I think when we were working on songs last night we had a sort of pop punk rock sound going.”

“You were working on music?” Poe asks. The question is for Kylo, but his eyes are on Rey.

 _“You didn't mention this,”_ They say.

“When she came to let me know I made the band.” Kylo clarifies. 

“I like pop punk rock,” Finn says, “Let's hear what you came up with.”

They borrow Poe’s guitar and do a run through of _Jakku_. Her voice is scathing. His voice is softer. It sounds right.

Finn and Poe clap enthusiastically. Hux looks impressed. Sort of.

They divvy out the parts. Finn leads them to the garage, where his drums are kept.

First attempt goes, as expected, horribly but within an hour, they start to actually sound a group not just individuals playing instruments and singing.

At the end of that hour, Hux informs them that he has “another meeting to attend.”

“Wait we need to talk band names,” Rey points out.

Hux suggests “Death Star.” Poe counters with “the Republic.” Finn suggests, “the Resistance.” Rey prefers the last one. But then Kylo gives his idea: “Force, Awakened.”

It has a nice ring to it.

\- - -

He’s giving her a ride home. Now's the perfect time to just say it.

“Kylo,” she says as they turn the corner off Finn and Poe’s street, “We need to talk. About last night.”

He's quiet, eyes on the road.

“I think it'd be unprofessional for us to do anything. I mean we’re bandmates and I just don't think we should get involved.” She rationalizes.

Instead of responding right away he swiftly parks on the curb.

He stares at her. The way only he can stare at her.

"Stop thinking so much, Rey. Is that honestly what you want?” He asks.

No. That's not at all what she wants, especially when he looks at her like that. Fuck.

Before she can respond he's kissing her. Like last night except more passion than anger. She doesn't like the position very much -damn seatbelt is getting in the way - but the feeling of his lips on hers, his tongue in her mouth, is too good to focus on that. He tastes like Coke. Her hands comb through his smooth dark hair.

He breaks its off after a couple of minutes.

“Is that really what you want?” He asks again.

Rey can't say anything. So instead she kisses him again, softer this time. Slower.

Then she sighs, “What I really want is something to eat.”

He smiles.

  
\- - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually pretty far into chapter 4. It should be out within the next few days, maybe week. Let me know if you like this story. Kudos and comments are real motivators :)


	4. This stays between us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, special thanks to tfwfangirlsatk (I wish I knew how to link her). She's my incredibly helpful beta.

\- - -

The Italian restaurant he takes them to is not on campus, which is great, because every restaurant on campus is packed during lunch. Even with at least half the students on the meal plan, like Rey. 

Rey realizes something as they wait for their drinks to arrive - Kylo paid for her yesterday. Kylo will probably pay for her today. Kylo will probably pay for however long they... do whatever they’re doing. Rey feels guilty; she's all about equality, including equality of pay, in relationships. But then again she's poor as fuck (she needs to get another job...) and Kylo carries a handful of twenties as petty cash.

But she has more important things to think about. She likes him. She never thought she'd be stupid enough to get involved with a “Bad Boy” but apparently, she is. He's smart, interesting, and incredibly attractive. But a gang? Seriously? And the whole fighting for fun thing? 

“So,” He interrupts her thoughts, “You probably want to talk.” 

She nods, “What do you want -- in terms of a relationship?” 

He thinks for a couple beats. 

“Well the kissing is nice,” he smirks. 

Outwardly she rolls her eyes, inwardly, she agrees.

“But I, uh,” he continues, nervous, “I like the talking and you, too.

“I'd be okay with whatever you want.” He admits. 

She smiles, “I'd like to get to know you.” 

Their drinks arrive. The waitress says their appetizers are coming. Breadsticks. Yum.

She takes a sip of her Dr. Pepper. Then she looks him in look him in the eyes, “But, I also want you to stop fighting, see a therapist, quit the First Order, start going to classes again.  and talk to your mom.” 

His gaze is colder when he says, “A bit much for a first date, don't you think?” 

“I like things to be clear.” She defends. Then clarifies, “I'm not saying you have to do all those things at once or even at all. I don't think I have the right to ask that of you considering we barely know each other, but the gang thing really bothers me.” 

Their breadsticks arrive. 

Grabbing one, he nods, “I can see why.” 

She starts on a breadstick herself and waits for him to continue. 

“I can't promise I'll do anything yet. I don't know you well enough to know if you're worth all the big changes.” 

She hopes, for both their sakes, she is. 

They talk while they eat. 

So far she knows his favorite color  _ (black of course) _ , his favorite band  _ (MCR’s the one he's liked the longest, but he also riddled off a list of metal bands she’d never heard of) _ , his favorite TV show  _ (he’s not really a tv person but American Horror Story is good) _ , his best friend  _ (he took a while to answer then decided Hux was the person he hated the least) _ , his favorite place,  _ (Carrie’s Diner, the place they went last night) _ and his favorite book series  _ (Harry Potter, he liked Malfoy the best) _ .

He also gives her his phone number, apparently he’d switched to a new carrier and phone recently. 

As she’d expected, he takes care of the check without even thinking. (She should have ordered dessert.)

They may have avoided students in the restaurant, but the streets are packed with them.  Rey plays an assortment of songs they both like (Fall Out Boy, the xx, Panic! at the Disco, Green Day, and My Chemical Romance, to name a few) to pass the time. She sings along almost obnoxiously. She's so enthusiastic and persistent that she manages to get Kylo to sing along to “American Idiot” with her. Then the Walk the Moon song Poe was obsessed over comes on and Rey remembers. 

She turns down the music, “I know we said no rules,” her voice sharpens, “But,  _ this _ ,” she gestures between them, “Stays between us.” 

“Your friends don't approve of me, do they?” He rolls his eyes. 

“More like the First Order could hold me as a hostage or something to control you.” She comes up with it on the spot. 

“You think you have any control over me?” He asks sardonically. 

She smirks, “If I don't yet, I will soon.”

\- - -

They end up back in his apartment. Since they both like  _ Harry Potter _ , and she hasn't marathoned the movies in over a year, they decide to marathon the movies. 

Kylo’s snarky comments and critiques might have annoyed someone else, but for Rey they make the process more fun. 

Kylo gets emotional in some of the later Malfoy scenes. He denies the tears with the excuse of butter getting in his eye when he rubbed it. His insistence proves it did happen. Rey stifles a laugh and teases him on his man crush on Malfoy. (Honestly, she hopes he’s like Malfoy. Draco Malfoy was just a kid who got mixed up with a gang due to bad influences. He wasn't really evil and he felt remorse, for sure.)

She starts to get tired around the fifth movie. She falls asleep content, cradled in his arms by the opening scene of  _ Deathly Hallows Part 1 _ .

\- - -

Rey wakes up first. It's four a.m. She has work at five thirty. 

She wanders into his kitchen, thinking it'd be nice of her to make something (especially to her wallet considering how expensive breakfast at Starbucks is, even for an employee).

Rey expects his fridge to be empty, but thankfully he has a carton of eggs and some assorted vegetables. She starts making omelets.

They're nearly done when she hears a yawn behind her. 

Kylo is awake. 

He responds to her startled yelp with a laugh.

She forces him to take a seat at the island and serves their meal on a big white plate. 

“Wow, peppers,” he comments after a big mouthful, “fancy.” 

“Matches the rest of the place.” She replies, taking her seat next to him.

She shifts to face him, “So happiest day of your life so far?”

She's continuing the game of questions they were playing at the restaurant. 

He finishes the omelet before responding, “The day my uncle gave me my first karate lesson. I was five. He said I was a natural. My father came back from wherever his latest trip had taken him and he took me and my mother out for ice cream. He told me I'd, ‘done good, kid.’ And apologized to my mother.” He doesn't sound happy looking back on the memory, “It was one of the few days I really felt like I was part of the family.” 

“The Ren family?” She asks. Rey’d been suspicious from the day she saw his name on the signup sheet. No one names their kid Kylo. 

“The Skywalker-Solo family,” He admits.

Both names sound familiar. Though she can't exactly place them. Then she remembers. 

“You're Han Solo’s son?” She asks, awed. 

The legendary smuggler turned writer. He had quit a life of crime to settle down and write comics based on his adventures. 

Kylo looks annoyed, “Unfortunately.”

Right. Kylo has daddy issues. Before she can ask about his name, he asks his question, “What about your happiest day?”

She doesn't even think, “My first day here, at the university. I met Finn and Poe in European History, and we immediately hit it off.” 

“They're together right?” He asks. 

She excuses the extra question, “They're practically married, been together since high school. The jacket Finn always wears is Poe’s varsity jacket.” 

He chuckles, “So it's not Finn Dameron?”

“Not yet.” She smiles.

Then she remembers. She asks quietly, “What's your real name, Kylo?” 

“Kylo Ren,” he says, “I had it legally changed when I turned eighteen.” 

“And before?” 

“Ben Solo.”

Ben. Such a normal name.

“I take it I'm not allowed to call you that.”

“Please don’t.” He begs. 

She nods then changes the subject. 

\- - -

Kylo takes her to home to shower and change then drops her off at work. 

Since he's up so early, he decides to actually to go DiffEQ. 

\- - -

 

From Rey Anderson’s iPhone, 9:43 AM, Monday, October 5th, 2015

* * *

 

Text  from Kylo Ren: _ /what are you doing?/ _

Text to Kylo Ren:  _ /Taking Notes--philosophy lecture. You?/ _

Text from Kylo Ren: _ /homework. Apparently, that's what you get for going to class./  _

Text to Kylo Ren: _ /:)/ _

Text to Kylo Ren: _ /At least you like math./  _

Text from Kylo Ren: _ /It’s more fun than Philosophy/ _

Text to Kylo Ren:  _ /I love philosophy!/  _

Text from Kylo Ren: _ /of course you do/  _

Text to Kylo Ren: _ /;P/ _

_ \- - - _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely going to be continuing this. The eighteen chapters is an estimate. I know that the writing process sometimes changes outlines. Thank you for all the support! If you havent already and you're enjoying this please comment and/or give kudos :)


	5. (I Can't) Kiss it All Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo text. Rey hunts for a second job. Kylo tries to be nice. Lot's of banter, arguing, and yes there's kissing involved.  
> *minor spoilers for The Visit*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not having this up sooner. It took longer to think through. Also, Rey was given the last name Anderson from social worker.

**From Rey Anderson’s iPhone, 2:12 AM, Tuesday,  October 6th, 2015**

 

Text from Kylo Ren: _/why are you still awake?/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Can't sleep./_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Can't help you there.../_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/How do you survive?/_

Tex from Kylo Ren: _/The lack of sleep?/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Yeah./_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Lot's of coffee./_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/What about the feeling of exhaustion and the minor existential crisis?_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/song writing../_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/I'm starting to understand why you get so unhinged sometimes/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Don't you have work tomorrow?/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Unfortunately. Double shifts too./_

 

_\- - -_

 

**From Rey Anderson’s iPhone, 5:45 AM, October 7th, 2015**

 

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Seriously. Please. Kill. Me./_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/that would be against my interests/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/I'm starting my third coffee/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/you'll still be exhausted/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/please Kylo, be supportive/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/it's only one day. You can take a nap as soon as you get home/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/ ></ _

Text to Kylo Ren: _/I hate everything and everyone./_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/what are you up to?/_

. . .

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Kylo?/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/turn around/_

 

**From Rey Anderson’s iPhone, 3:35, Thursday, October 8th, 2015**

 

Text to Kylo Ren: _/I hate you!/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/...what did I do?/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/You made me start laughing in the middle of lecture. The professor glared right at me./_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Sorry for being witty and hilarious, princess/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/-_- /_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Remind me why you go to class/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/I need to maintain a 3.7 gpa or I'll lose my scholarship, I like my classes, I do what I’m supposed to do/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/See that's the kind of motivation I lack/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Stop pretending you aren't a total nerd. I saw you smiling when you were working on physics yesterday/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/That's not why I was smiling/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Kylo Ren: total nerd AND major flirt. Who knew?/_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Shut up/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/no :)/_

 

**From Rey Anderson’s iPhone, 6:37 PM, Friday October 9th, 2015**

 

Text from Kylo Ren: _/Have you had dinner yet?/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/No. Still job hunting./_

Text from Kylo Ren: _/I'm forcing you to stop at 7/_

Text to Kylo Ren: _/Fine./_

 

_\- - -_

 

Rey walks quickly scanning storefronts for help wanted signs. She's already applied to two different jobs but the pay is barely over minimum wage. She supposes she can't be that picky. She wants what every college student wants: a job that pays a lot with very flexible hours. She can't exactly expect one to fall out of the sky, especially considering her recent luck with the universe.

She's contemplating whether Kylo is a “blessing” or a “curse” when she sees it.

HELP WANTED.

“Chewy’s" is an auto shop. Rey’s heart swells with excitement. Before she realized she was not a math person, she'd wanted to be an engineer. Mechanical Engineer to be exact. Maybe because in high school she spent whatever time she wasn't studying working at Niima Outpost, the only auto shop in Jakku. She hadn't done much actual car work back then. It was all scavenging old cars for useful parts. Still, the idea of making things work again was incredibly appealing.

“I’d like to apply for a job,” she says in her most professional voice.

There is a man in front of the counter, somewhere in his forties. His hair is thick and he has a full beard.

“Got a resumé?” He asks. His accent is thick. She can't make out where he's from, but English isn't his strong suit.

She hands him her resumé and he glanced over it.

“You like cars?” He asks, finally.

“Yes,” she smiles turning ebullient at this topic, “there was this one car back at Niima when I was growing up that was amazing, truly vintage--”

She spies something out of the corner of her eye. She turns to see _it_. The car. The beautiful vintage Falcon. It's definitely the same one. Despite the massive amount of work done, she can tell.

“That's it!” She hopes she isn't as loud as she thinks she is.

“The Millennium Falcon,” Chewy replies, “I remember it ended up in Jakku.”

“You've been there?” She’s not quite eager, more suprised. Most people have no idea Jakku exists, let alone have traveled there.

He affirms, “My old business partner and I went a few year.”

He nods toward the picture. It’s of him and young man, someone who looks sort of familiar. They’re grinning like they've just gotten away with stealing the moon.

“Is he here?” She asks. She wants to meet another prospective boss--make a good impression.

“He passed last year.” Chewy’s voice grows quiet, then he reanimates, “Everything looks in order. When can you work.”

She explains that she’d prefer working only on weekends, but she can shift her schedule if that doesn't work.

He grunts approval, offers twelve dollars an hour to start, and somehow within five minutes they're shaking hands.

She's just got a job with flexible hours and good pay. Maybe the universe is on her side.

She gets a text from Kylo. It's seven. He’s coming to pick her up. She asks Chewy for the address then texts him.

“You like cars but don't have one,” he sounds almost weary.

“I would love a car, but I don't have the money.” She shrugs, “nor do I have a license.”

He shakes his head in disbelief and gets her to commit to taking lessons with him.

And then the doorbell rings. Their eyes shift to the door. It's Kylo and he's angry.

“What the hell, Rey!” He’s not yelling quite yet, but his voice is louder than normal, “I texted you like ten times and I even called you.”

Whoops. Face burning she quickly checks her phone. Yup. Seven missed texts from Kylo Ren. Two missed calls. She put her phone on silent in case of interviews. Whoops.

“Sorry Kylo,” she remains calm, “I was caught up in conversation with my new boss.”

His eyes leave her for the first time since he entered Chewy’s.

She perceives a glimmer of suprise in his eyes.

“Chewbacca,” he nods with grudging respect.

Her boss glares at him but his expression remains pained. The gears start turning in Rey’s head. Mutual recognition, died last year...

“Let's go, Rey.” Kylo says coldly.

She follows him out, calling out to Chewy that she'd see him next week.

When they get back in the car, she snaps at him, “Never embarrass me in public like that!”

“Check your fucking phone!” He fires back, “if you're expecting a ride from me you shouldn't make me wait!”

“I'm sorry!” She apologizes honestly but remains firm, “That doesn't mean you should come yell at me in my new workplace!”

“How else was I supposed to get your attention?!” He’s belligerent.

“You could have calmed down before coming in!” So is she.

He starts kissing her, and she knows she's right. Their argument continues but instead of sparring with words they spar with their tongues. She runs her hands through his longish black hair, lightly pulling at it. It makes him kiss her harder. Her lips will bruise. When they kiss like this they are all passion, anger, lust and Rey _likes_ it.

They break apart for air.

He puts on his seatbelt, “I shouldn't have yelled.”

Her smile of satisfaction lasts only until she realizes Chewy has seen and probably heard the whole thing.

 

\- - -

 

They get into petty arguments often. They aren't always intense or personal; most of the time it's a debate. She enjoys them more than she'd admit. Rey likes having someone to challenge her.

And Kylo does challenge her. He also makes her more aware of herself, more aware of who she is l, what she has, and what she _doesn't_ have.

Like nice clothing.

Not that it's a huge issue or that she cares. Rey Anderson has never been the sort of person to obsess over appearances. She's all about practicality. Comfort and cost. Style is nice on other people, not really something she sees or needs to see in herself.

At least she used to feel that way. Now, standing in front of her closet, she's reconsidering.

Kylo told her to put on something nice.

The thing is, what she’s wearing right now is probably the best she's got.

Awkward.

She’s thoroughly considering borrowing something of her roommates when Kylo walks in (why didn't she lock the door?), asking what's taking so long.

Then he notices her closet, more particularly whats in it. She owns about ten t shirts, two pairs of jeans, several sweaters and sweatshirts, and some tanks. Nothing that costs more than ten bucks. Nothing that looks like it cost more than ten bucks.

Kylo shrugs, “I don't like Evan-Antony’s anyway.”

As expected, they have an altercation. Rey knows he's embarrassed by her even though he insists quite loudly that he doesn't give a shit about her finances. She’s so obstinate that it takes him shouting that he just wanted to do something nice for her for her to reconsider.

They end up going to the movies which, in Rey’s opinion, is a lot more fun than a five star restaurant would have been.

“Don't be afraid to bury your face in my chest if you get scared,” he says sarcastically.

“Only if you do the yawn wrap your arm around me move,” she counters.

They're always in tandem. Their minds work the same way so her thought begins where his ends.

The movie turns out to be more comedic than scary, though, Rey does have to avert her eyes at the attempted cannibalism. She finds herself clutching his hand as the children escape and is surprised when he doesn't let go. They hold hands for the remainder of the movie.

They return to his apartment. There’s nothing left to do, really, but neither of them want Rey to leave.

She ends up asking him about Chewy.

He gives her a laconic answer, “He was my father's friend.”

She finds it odd that he told her about the whole I-technically-caused-the-death-of-my-father thing to begin with if he doesn't like talking about his past.

When she says this aloud, he responds by explaining that he needed to get it off his chest. And she knew anyway, given the fact that she read his songs.

“You never told Hux?” Rey can’t contain the mind shock, “I thought you said he was your best friend.”

“I don't have many friends,” he points out before adding,  “Hux and I don't talk about personal things.” He doesn’t seem to mind this.

Kylo’s twitchy as they talk. Finally he sighs, “Would you mind that much if I went out for a smoke?”

She does mind - smoking is abhorrent.

“Do you care if you're turning your lungs black?”

He looks her in the eyes. Instead of seeing the marked intensity that usually emanates from them, she sees a sort of apathy.

“I really don't.”

When he comes back, she decides to ask, “What else are you on?”

The question seems fair.

“I experimented a lot in high school,” he admits, “I wanted to see how much I could get away with before my parents noticed. Hit the hard stuff first. I liked the buzz, the nothingness. My mother noticed the coke when she came back from a conference. Sent me to rehab. Never found out about the LSD. I was clean for about a year. Then my last girlfriend got me into pot. I stopped when we broke up. Started again after Solo dies. Stopped when Hux said it was affecting my fighting.”

 

She lets it all sink in.

 

“So nicotine is your only poison?” She clarifies.

“I drink too. But not enough to get wasted. Hangovers suck.”

He’s open about this sort of stuff. No evading questions or looking away. It’s interesting.

She’s never actually had more than a couple of beers. Didn't like the taste. Didn't like the thought of losing control. Didn't like the whole-it-could-ruin-your-liver thing. Especially, since she didn't know if alcoholism ran in her family.

“You should care more about your health.”

“It's not like I have much to live for.”

“Then find something, dumbass.”

He's probably depressed, she realizes.

She can't imagine not caring this much.

She’s not much for affection, having been starved of it for most of her childhood, but Poe has helped her get used to hugging.

She hugs him tightly. He's startled, then hugs her back.

She wants to kiss him better, but he’ll taste like ashes and she's just a girl, not the answer to all his problems.

  
They move on to practicing like singing about old problems is the way to escape new ones. She likes the way their voices sound together, true conasance. They work on writing the music for the other instruments for the songs they've worked on. The only one they completely finish is “Get Me Out of My Head,” one of Kylo’s newer songs. After cleaning up the remnants of their session, she makes him do duets of slow songs, until, they wind up in his bed, tired. She nestles into his body. He holds her protectively. They fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throw me some kudos and/or comments if you liked this :) Ch.6 is in the works.


	6. The Step Before Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have breakfast. There's an emergency band meeting. Kylo meets BB-8. Rey enjoys working with Chewy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have dispersed the lyrics of the first part of "Jakku" in here. Points go to whoever can figure out what the lyrics reference. The song will finish next chapter. If you want I can try to figure out a way to post the song, a capella. (I have a recording of it saved on my phone.)
> 
> Also, tfwfangirlsatk is my wonderful beta who I'm eternally thankful for :)

Rey wakes up first, again - she’s a natural early riser. She feels weird, wearing what she slept in, so she changes into one of his plain black shirts. It's long on her, long enough to be a dress, so fuck it, she wears it as one.

She decides to go by Carrie’s to buy breakfast. Well, _she_ doesn’t actually decide. Kylo’s empty fridge does.

She texts him:

_//Buying breakfast from Carrie's//_

_//I’ll be back soon//_

Then uses her phone to figure out how to get there.

The waitress is the same one who served them the last time they came. She asks if Kylo will have his usual, Rey nods. So this is where he gets _all_ his food. For herself, she gets chocolate chip waffles and fresh strawberries.

On her way back he responds:

_//Okay. I’ll be in the shower//_

Then a few minutes later.

_//feel free to join me//_

She’s scared by how appetizing that sounds. She doesn't want this to go _that_ way. Not yet. Not without knowing he cares. Sex, in Rey’s opinion, either means everything or nothing. With her first boyfriend, it was both. It was all he wanted and something she thought she didn't mind giving. Then they broke up and instead of feeling terrible about losing her virginity to some asshole, she made up her mind: sex means nothing. (That's when the hedonistic flings started.)

When she started college, she decided she had to leave that behind. She didn't want sex to be meaningless pleasure. She wanted it to mean something, and be with someone who definitely cared about her. (Someone who wouldn't just leave her.)

So her _other feelings_ for Kylo Ren, the ones that aren't sympathy, contempt, and intrigue, bother her. A lot.

It's not that she's cynical. (Ha, cynical - she dances on the line between quixotic and optimistic.) It’s that he's obdurate. He might not have done anything in the last week to make her doubt his intentions (in fact, he's been rather romantic), but his personality is problematic. His attitude, his point of view, his actions, his affiliations: she hates them all. Everything besides the way he is with her. Fuck.

When she gets back she doesn't have to deal with the temptation of jumping him in the shower, because he's out. He takes the take out bag and his keys from her hands.

Her eyes don't know where to look. There's his chest. His one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight -- eight pack. And then the way he wrapped his hair in an extra towel. The way girls wrap their hair in towels.

She pokes fun at him. He makes a comment (she can’t tell if he's being ironic or serious) about the importance of maintaining his hair.

She finds out quickly that his usual consists of a large black coffee and an english muffin.

Feeling sympathetic, she shares her pancakes with him. He admits, seriously for sure, that last night was the second time in a _long_ time that he'd slept through a night. The first time was the last time she'd slept over.

It's noticeable. The circles beneath his eyes are not so pronounced.

It's when they're eating that she gets a text from Poe:

_//Emergency Band Meeting at 10. Tell your boyfriend and his boyfriend//_

She rolls her eyes. Poe’s only teasing. Nonetheless she tells Kylo and texts Hux.

It's nine now. They spend the hour practicing “Jakku” and “Get Me Out of My Head.”

It's productive. Kylo has his music down. Rey stops stumping over the improved parts of the melody.

After their mini practice they head down to Finn-and-Poe’s for the real meeting.

Rey had planned for meetings to be on Sundays as a rule, since Saturdays seemed to be when people want to make plans, but if Poe has news so be it. The thing is, will Hux show up?

She's pacing, “He said he'd be here.”

Then the doorbell rings.

“Sorry,” Hux remarks with cool professionalism, “My meeting ran late.”

He turns to Poe, “You have news?”

Poe grins, “Yeah. Good news. We got a gig!”

Rey’s eyes widen to the size of -- not golf balls--tennis balls, “Already?”

She's nervous. They have maybe one song down.

“Yeah,” Poe ignores the fear creeping into her eyes, “This girl in my French class noticed me listening to music. I told her I was in a band. Then I emailed you guys's” he points to Rey and Kylo, “version of the song to her. She said it was amazing. Emailed me back asking if we could play for her birthday.”

“When's her birthday?” Rey interrupts.

“In a month, don't worry,” he says, “Anyway I haven't said yes or anything. I told her I'd ask the band. So, band?”

Rey considers it, “A vote then.”

 _A month. Is a month enough? How many songs is enough?_ This all feels too real.

Poe and Finn are yesses. So is Kylo.

Rey can deal with it.

 

•°•°•

_“Little town full of little people”_

_These people are the worst you know_

_I can't explain how much I_

_I-I just need to go._

 

_Barren Desert, I won't call you home_

_Bear in mind, I’d rather roam_

_Anywhere but here_

_Baby, it's crystal clear_

•°•°•

 

The practice goes well. “Jakku” is perfection. “Get me Out of My Head” is coming along. Rey wants them to have it down by next Sunday. Finn complains that it's a lot; he has other things to do.

Rey is not sympathetic, “Take it up with your boyfriend. He's the one that got us into this.”

“Uh,” Kylo interrupts, “Help me?”

BB-8, Poe’s orange and white cat has come down from his hideout in the pantry and found his way onto Kylo’s face.

“Aww,” Finn grins, “He likes you.”

“Is this considered a form of affection?” Is his muffled reply.

BB-8 climbs onto his hair.

There’s a teasing glint in her eyes when Rey snickers, “Maybe you should tone down the hair care. Your looks are attracting unwanted attention.”

Finn takes pity on Kylo, who’s frigid, afraid of doing something wrong, and takes BB-8 off of him.

He struggles in Finn’s arms. Rey and Kylo rush out.

Rey shivers, the air is cooler than it'd been. She regrets not dropping by her place to change. Her combat boots and Kylo’s shirt aren't a match for the cold front coming in.

Without hesitation, Kylo gives her his jacket. She probably looks pretty badass in all the leather.

Before they drive off, Rey asks, “Why did you vote for it?”

“You want to do it,” he says it like it’s obvious, “You were just too insecure to accept it.”

He hands her the helmet (he’s the real badass) and they drive off.

 

\- - -

 

They study together for the remainder of the day at A Novel Time after grabbing Subway for lunch. It's weird knowing his Subway order. And the fact that he always orders a Coke with his meals - Coke or sugared up black coffee. That he plays with his hair when he's thinking. And that he always overuses commas in his essays. That he taps on his keyboard when he can't figure out how to phrase something. That he closes his eyes whenever she kisses his cheek. And that he never, ever uses emojis.

She falls asleep wondering if this is what dating is (or if it's the step before falling).

She wakes up to an offer:

_//Breakfast at the park? We can work on music.//_

They do need to work on music…

 

_•°•°•_

_It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from_

_Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us_

_It's not called letting go when I threw the threadbare rope away_

 

_Leave me alone there’s nothing to say here_

_Leave me alone could I be anymore clear?_

_Leave me alone you're the only thing I fear_

 

_It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from_

_Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us_

_It's not called letting go when I threw the fucking rope away._

•°•°•

He sets “Jakku" as her ringtone. She sets “Get Me Out of My Head" as his.

The breakfast he buys consists of mostly fruit and pastries for Rey and sausage and eggs for Kylo who he ran out of his protein mix.

“Where do you work out?” She asks.

“There's a gym the First Order has control of,” He shrugs.

“You should let me join you,” she suggests.

“It's not somewhere I want you to be,” he refuses, tone flat, expression grim.

Spending the whole day at the park, they come up with a set of their best songs, ten in all. Jessica probably has a tracklist in mind for for them to cover.

They take breaks to just amble along the pathways. When they come across a playground they play with the kids. Kylo chases them around as the villain and Rey leads them as the hero. They leave after the children tackle Kylo the second time.

 

•°•°•

_“Everyday like the one before”_

_Repetition kills my dreams_

_What you do is nothing more_

_Tha-an boring to me_

 

_Barren people, I won’t call you my family_

_Bear in mind, leaving you sets me free_

_Not metaphorically_

_Cause!:_

•°•°•

 

They spend the rest of October working on music. Jessica has a thing for Fall Out Boy, Halsey, and Twenty Øne Piløts, so at least the music is good.

Rey starts sleeping at Kylo’s sometime in between memorizing “American Beauty/American Psycho” and “Castle”.

They play it off as a mistake. They're working on music and just fall asleep. Then they rationalize that it's practical. She needs a ride places. They need to work on music. (He needs to sleep.)

But then there's the way Chewy regards him.

“You can do better than scum like that,” he says one day when he drops her off.

“What did he do to you?”

Chewy finishes checking the car's engine. Then, taking a seat on a stool he says, “Kylo Ren killed my nephew, Ben Solo.”

She doesn't get more out of him, not that she presses for more. She likes Chewy. She doesn't want to upset him with incessant probing. Chewy is kind of like the father she never had. (Or maybe it’s her subconscious need for parental figures that makes her see everyone as a parent.) He makes good on his promise to teach her how to drive, taking her out to empty parking lots at night. Kylo wants to be the one to teach her, but she can't imagine a universe where that _wouldn't_ end with them in an accident.

Chewy is patient when instructing her; his voice guides her quietly - like a backseat driver, except welcome. Working with him so much, she hardly notices the accent - he's apparently a Wookie. (The Wookies are an obscure indigenous people.) He takes his culture very seriously, unlike much else. He's always making jokes. Some of them are honestly the worst dad jokes ever, some of them are classically funny, others would make much more sense if she understood Wookie better.

She works from seven until twelve then from two to six. Chewy had let choose her hours, so of course she chooses as many as she can handle. Kylo thinks she's crazy, Finn and Poe worry she's not having enough fun. But that's the thing - fixing up cars with Chewy is fun. It's a nice break from philosophy and government and angsty song writing.

And the extra money is great. All her Starbucks money goes to paying for her phone, her laptop, and whatever else - food, school supplies, laundry detergent, shampoo- she ends up needing to buy. She wants this money to go into savings. A part of her wants to use it for something fun. Maybe a Halloween costume...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd appreciate kudos/comments/bookmarks if you enjoyed this. Also, next chapter, according to my beta warrants this story being changed to M rating.


	7. Beauty and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo celebrate Halloween at night club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature content ahead. Again thank you to tfwfangirlsatk, my awesome beta :)

_ •°•°• _

_ It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from _

_ Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us  _

_ It's not called letting go when I threw the threadbare rope away _

 

_ Leave me alone there’s nothing to say here  _

_ Leave me alone could I be anymore clear? _

_ Leave me alone there's nothing I-I fear _

 

_ It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from _

_ Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us  _

_ It's not called letting go when I threw the fucking rope away _

_ •°•°• _   
  


Her costume, which she does spend some extra money on, is of Belle, her favorite Disney princess. When she was younger, Belle gave her hope. The idea that she could escape “provincial life” and have adventures and fall in love. 

Her dress is probably the nicest one she’s ever had. It’s golden yellow and comes mid thigh, a touch above her fingertips. It has the ruffles, fitted bodice, and the sleeves that leave her shoulders bare. It’s perfect, which is why it took her so long to find it. Every “Belle” costume was to gaudy, sexy, or cheap looking. She had to resort to combing through stores and websites, until she found it on a half price prom website.  She had to buy the gloves and the earrings and don’t get her started on the heels. (She still thinks that learning to walk in them has left her with permanent blisters.)

Everything was so perfect. 

Except her hair and makeup. She can't figure out how to do the bun thing Belle has and makeup is as foreign to her as it would probably be to Finn. 

She's giving up hope when Ashley walks in, “These earrings simply will not do.” 

She’s talking about her own, giant diamond studs for her 60s outfit. 

When she notices Rey, watching a “how to put on concealer” YouTube video, the blonde takes pity on her.

“Let me help.” 

She does Rey makeup, walking her through the difference between foundation and concealer and teaching her how to do wings properly.

When Rey opens her eyes, she's surprised. The girl in front of her, who’s getting her hair done, looks remarkable. Her eyes are large, cheek bones pronounced, rose lips plump.

Ashley’s proud when she's done. She may be late to her party, but Rey really looks like Belle. 

“Speaking of that party,” she notes, grabbing her phone, “I gotta run. See you later.” 

Her fairy godmother disappears as quickly as she’d appeared, leaving Princess Rey waiting for her Prince Charming. 

He doesn't keep her waiting too long. Though he isn't exactly Prince Charming. 

“You didn't dress up!” Rey exclaims. 

He looks her over, “I don't do costumes, Princess.”

She glares at him, “I'm going to your stupid party. The least you can do is dress up.”

She had been dead against it when he brought it up in passing a week ago. She was planning on going to whatever party Finn and Poe ended up at and she still hated the whole person-I’m-dating-is-in a gang thing. And things between them were great when she could forget about it. Which was why him constantly mentioning it was not working.

She finally gave in when he explained bluntly that he  _ had _ to go, as in, trouble would be coming if he didn't, and if he didn’t show up with a date someone would  _ set him up with _ a club girl. Well, actually, it took more than that. 

“No more smoking,” she said, “And you're going to go to class from now on.” 

“I'll go to all my classes until the party and I'll cut down on smokes.” he bargained, “Honestly, I don't think you'll mind. It’ll be fun.”

That was his promise and Rey doesn't have any issues bringing it back up.

“Fine,” he sighs, “I’ll buy some face paint. Make me the Crow.” 

It’s the easiest outfit for him to pull off, given he's already in an all black ensemble. Rey has fun turning his pale face paler and his dark eyes darker. 

“And,” she says as she finishes off the look with black lipstick, “you're done.”

He gives her the Kylo Ren smile, which looks far creepier than usual. He likes this look.

“Now I guess I’m really the Beast to your Beauty.” 

“Let's go then, Beast.” 

She wonders what it looks like. Her dressed like this, holding on to him as they speed through the town on his motorcycle. Golden girl and vengeful demon. Light and Dark. Beauty and the Beast. Rey and Kylo.

•°•°•

_ I threw it away  _

 

_ *guitar solo* _

 

_ I threw it away _

•°•°•

 

The bouncers don't bother to ask for ID, letting them in on sight. It’s a First Order club. He's Kylo fucking Ren. She is not a even under their radar. 

He has a meeting, that's why they're here. He goes into a room in the first corridor and tells her to wait. 

Naturally, she tries to listen  in on the conversation. 

There's a voice that sends a chill down her spine, saying Kylo needs to stop slacking or his paychecks are going to get cut off. Or something like that. It’s difficult to make out what’s being said. The voice speaking is low. She gathers that there are people to  _ take care _ of.  _ Things _ that need to be delivered to customers. 

She hears the words “mother” and “father” thrown around cruelly.

He screams. In pain? In anger?

When he comes back out, they're both quiet. He looks shaken. She wants to forget what she's heard. She wants to delay the conclusions she's already come to. 

They need to forget. And where better to forget than at a nightclub on Halloween.

They head to the main room where the party is raging. Loud music. Lots of dancing. Open bar. The club lights and all the costumes make everything feel unreal. They're in another reality. A world without rules.

Couples grind together on the dancefloor. In the corners of the room she sees groups passing around...ecstasy? pot? coke? lsd? amphetamines? Probably everything.

Plasma. That's what the name of the club is. It should be called temptations. The garden except instead of the forbidden apple it's Drugs and sex and booze.

Kylo moves toward the bar. He says she doesn't have to drink if she doesn't want to, but she's already here. Why not get tipsy? Besides, so many are doing so much worse. (Her own date does so much worse.) Giving into a bit of temptation won't cause any harm. 

She goes for Kylo’s drink, whiskey and coke, specifically because the bartender assumed she'd want a cocktail. It's sharp and kind of gross, but she finishes the glass. Kylo’s impressed.

She drags him do the dance floor. They're here for fun. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Even in her heels, he's a full head taller. He dances awkwardly at first, but by his second shot, he's loose. The lights flash. The music shifts from pop to rock to rap. 

Rey’s enjoying herself, enjoying the numbness -- the blaring music, the alcohol, the dancing,  enjoying the way Kylo’s hands linger toward her ass while they slow dance, enjoying the way he watches her hips sway. 

He's not the only one watching her. Some asshole, probably a little drunk, gropes her. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the fact that she’s angry that this is what happens when she tries to look nice, maybe it’s the part of her that just wants to indulge in her anger.  Whatever it is, she slaps him. Hard. 

Her reaction is nothing compared to Kylo’s. His eyes are ablaze with fury. He grabs the punk by his shirt and is about to reign hell on in his face when Rey pulls him back. 

This whole fighting for her honor thing is hot. Very, very hot. 

“I can fight my own battles,” she hisses.

“Nothing wrong with a little help.” He face her. The creep runs off.

“I never asked for help.” She inches closer to his face.

“You never do.” His mouth locks onto hers.

They stumble up, up, up, the stairs and down, down, down the corridor into an empty room. 

They comb through each other's hair as they frantically kiss. Nothing is close enough he reaches for her dress’ zipper and she  _ lets _ him pull it down.

He appreciates her form for a bit before he starts to  _ appreciate _ her form. Her heart shaped butt is toned from years of exercise. Her breasts are round and full. His mouth is on her right breast. Again. Except this time there are no distractions. No interruptions. 

She pushes him onto the bed. (Of course there's a bed in the room. That's what the second floor is for.) His shirt flies to the ground. Her gloves. His belt. Her tights. His jeans.

Only thin underwear separates them now. He's hard. She's wet. She wants him. He needs her. 

His mouth moves down her front until, off go her panties. 

She can't think about anything except how good this feels. How amazing. How fantastic. How fucking orgsasmic. 

And then the door handle turns.  _ Why _ didn't they lock the door?! 

She can't even think of a way to hide. 

The door opens. 

Hux smiles at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment/Give Kudos if you liked it :) Thanks for reading.


	8. Love. Love. Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's falling apart. She's falling in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry about not updating sooner! I had a lot of things on my plate and I needed to be Responsible. Anywho, enjoy the story. Halsey quotes are from "Young God." Not mine!
> 
> This work is beta-ed by the wonderful tfwfangirlsatk. Check her out :D

He promises to keep their dirty little secret just that and slinks away.

Kylo wants to continue, but that interaction snapped Rey out of it. Snapped her out of this the trance this club had her in.

She was so close to giving in.

They never go as far as that again. She keeps him off even second base.

And he's honestly okay with it. Or at least a decent enough person not to complain. He’s satisfied with stolen kisses and holding hands under the table.

He is so much all at once. Strong. Weak. Crazy. Sensible. Kind. Cruel. Passionate. In control. Easygoing.

Around her he molds himself to the situation. Studying at A Novel Time, he is sarcastic and amusing and a little condescending. Anytime a conversation turns political or philosophical, he is stubborn and angry and hurt. The wall comes up in public. When they eat out he is chill, cool, cold. He speaks professionally but squeezes her hand. At his apartment, he is easygoing and warm. At night, he is broken. He is cigarette smoke and song lyrics. In the morning, it never happened. She hates him for all of it. She hates the way his mood shifts. How he can forget about everything bad that's ever happened to him then suddenly remember. How he can yell right at her then speak softly and hold her hand. How everything he does makes her more confused.

She's falling apart. She's falling in love.

Love. Love. Love.

He’s a beast, but he hasn't changed yet. She's not as strong as Belle. His smiles makes her grow weak. His nerdy side, the part of him that screams future engineer, is endearing. His dark side, the part of him that makes her scream, is intoxicating.

She's falling in love and that is not okay because he's broken boy unwilling to even try to glue his pieces back together.

But he's becoming her broken boy. Her little drug dealer. Her little hit man. Her little liar.

He leaves in the middle of the night sometimes. She knows because it wakes her up. Sometimes he's gone when she wakes up.

“I went for a run.”

“I had an errand.”

“I got you breakfast.”

The lies are professionally made, seamless.

He wants to protect her? He wants to protect himself? He's afraid she'd leave if she knew.

The scary thing is she does know, and she hasn't left. She doesn't want to leave.

Dirty little secret. Everytime she sees Poe and Finn in the two weeks before Jessica’s party she goes a little crazy.

_I'm dating Kylo. I’m in love with Kylo. I can't keep this in._

The words are stuck in her mouth. The only thing worse than her relationship with Kylo Ren is the thought of no relationship with Kylo Ren.

  
·°·°·

  
_And maybe it's true that I never hated you_  
_And maybe it's true that part of me will miss_  
_Being your “funny girl”_  
_With her “with [her] dreamy, far-off look[s]”_  
_Being the peculiar girl_  
_With “her nose” always “stuck in a book”_

  
_·°·°·_

  
At practice, she’s antsy. Everyone chalks it up to nerves. Even Kylo. (How is it that she can see right through him yet he can't see through her? -- Oh right, she didn't see through him, she heard through the door.)

Jessica comes to see them go through the set. Rey sings the Halsey songs like they're personal, because they feel that way.

She's just “running, running, running.” But unlike him, she doesn’t “feel young god.” Maybe a sinner in church.

Her nerves don't affect her voice. Jessica loves the set. She's so excited for her birthday.

Rey wishes she were Jessica. When did her life get so complicated?

Chewy probes her. He knows, knows, knows. He can tell by the look in her eyes.

“Warned you. He's trash.”

She starts writing. Ten songs in five days. A new record. Ten out of ten love letters to Kylo. Ten out of ten break up letters to Kylo.

She can't sleep.

She works on homework, gets ahead. Burns out. Skips class.

Stress. Stress. Stress.

She spikes a fever. Back to her dorm it is.

Finn says she needs to calm down. She’s so anxious. So not herself.

\- - -

{“Where did I go? Got lost in the club. Never came back the saaame. Where did you go? Baby, I don't know. Never can be taaaamed. Oh I am a fool. Oh I am a fool. Oh I am a fool in love with youuuu. Wha-at do I doooo?” (Fool in Love/What do I do?, song by Rey Anderson, stored in Google Drive Folder: Personal)}

She's better? Fever’s down but her mind still runs a million miles a minute. Her heart's still heavy. Heavy like her conscience.

Love is a train rushing at her. Running her over. What's left is the wreck.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

They said falling in love was supposed to feel right.

But that's the thing. She feels the sparks when they kiss. She feels warm when he smiles at her. She feels when they talk.

Maybe she needs to talk to him about it.

Talking is hard.

·°·°·

  
_But that doesn't mean I won’t leave!_  
_Oh!_

 _It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from_  
_Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us_  
_It's not called letting go when I threw that threadbare rope away_

 _Leave me alone there’s nothing to say here_  
_Leave me alone could I be anymore clear?_  
_Leave me alone there's nothing I-I fear_

 _It's not called running away when there's nothing to run from_  
_Not called fighting the pain when there’re no feelings between us_  
_It's not called letting go when I threw the fucking rope away_

_I threw it away_

·°·°·

  
Singing is easy. Playing guitar is easy. This performance is easy.

Jessica is happy. Her friends are happy. Rey is happy. Happy for a moment of clarity. Complete focus on something that makes sense. Something that isn't a fight between her heart, mind, and soul.

Jessica laughs at something her girlfriend says. Maybe Rey is overthinking it. She needs to talk to Kylo.

“Hey,” she catches him as they pack up, “we need to talk.”

He nods, “I've actually been meaning to talk to you.”

“You go first,” Rey says quickly.

“What I have to say isn't something I can say here.”

“Me neither.”

They wait till they’re in his car.

“So?” She prompts.

His eyes are on the road.

“I need to be honest. I know that people don't belong to people, but I want you to be mine.” His voice drops, “I didn't think I'd ever be capable of something like this, but, Rey, I love you.”

Love.  
Love!  
LOVE!

Her hand grasps his, “I love you, too.”

“What did you have to say?” He's grinning. Kylo Ren. Grinning. As in, Rey can see his teeth. And his dimples.

And. And. And.

And she wants to say everything.  
That she needs him to stop this gang stuff. That it's killing her. That she wants to be his girlfriend. That she wants to be enough. That love needs to be enough.

But they're in a car right now. She's not about to die because of a Kylo Ren temper tantrum.

“I’ll tell you when we get home.”

She calls his apartment home, even though all her stuff is in her dorm room. She calls his apartment home, even though their relationship weighs her conscience down. She calls his apartment home, because she's Rey Anderson, a girl whose name isn't even her own. Always looking for parents. Always looking for a place to belong. She feels like she belongs with him. He is her home.

Love. Love. Love.

\- - -

They are in his kitchen, Rey's making tea. Singing so much kills their throats and Kylo likes her tea. He says it tastes like her morning kisses.

She hands him his cup and the kettle. They shift to the living room.

Wrapped in blankets and each other. This is perfect - except it's not. Not yet.

“Kylo,” she starts after her second cup, “Does this mean I'm enough?”

He doesn't seem to remember.

“First date,” she recalls, “I gave you this list of things I wanted you to change. You said you didn't know if I was worth it all.”

“You’re everything to me,” he states simply.

Hello, I'm Kylo and this is Rey, my everything.

She smiles, “You can't casually date someone you love can you?”

“Be my girlfriend.” He says it like he would say “drink some water” if she complained of thirst.

“Quit dealing drugs and fighting people for the First Order,” she says in the same tone of voice.

He freezes, “You knew?”

“Plasma has thin walls.” She replies.

“How thin?”

“You get _all_ your money from them, Kylo? And you hang around people who taunt you with your father's death?”

“So you heard everything,” he sighs, “I accept the terms and conditions.”

“You need to know what they are first,” Rey begins to list, “No more smoking. Period. You taste gross after a smoke and I don't need to worry about you getting emphysema or lung cancer. Also class - everyday, _all the time_. You have no reason not to go; you _like_ your classes. And you need to quit the First Order. And no more street fighting. Join a new gym, I'll practice with you. And no more drug dealing. Even weed,” she pauses to think, “Therapy too.”

She doesn't mention his mother. Not yet.

He makes the motion of checking the box, “Done. Now can I get into your pants?”

She slaps his arm for the joke, but grins anyway and gives him a kiss.

Honestly, there's no reason not to make love anymore. He loves her.

_Love. Love. Love._

She can trust him not to fuck and go.

_Love. Love. Love_

A little voice of doubt inside of her wonders if he’ll actually comply. She pushes it aside.

_Love. Love. Love._

Trust. Passion. Desire.

She takes off her shirt. She's glad her bra today is a new one. (Her others wouldn't work with her performance outfit. Not low enough of a plunge.) It's lacy and black.

He takes his own shirt off. Before he can do anything to her, she’s kissing his neck. Mine. She says with little bites. Then she goes down to his stomach till she gets to his pants.

She unbuckles his belt.

His eyes ask, “Are you sure?”

She replies by unzipping his pants.

She feels powerful when he moans her name. She’s doing that to him.

When he finishes he insists on returning the favor. He fumbles with her bra strap then flings it away. He plays with her breasts then moves on to making her scream.

And she does scream, “kYLO! Fuck! I love you! Fuuuuck. KYLO.”

(Somehow, it's better than last time.)

His “tongue is a weapon.”

But he's not using it against her.

Love. Love. Love.

He wouldn't use anything against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give kudos or comments if you enjoyed, please. :) thanks for reading.


	9. Perfect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo changes. Rey plans him a birthday party. Everything is...Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to write for a number of reasons and I'm really sorry about it. Hopefully the next chapter will take less time. I promise I haven't given up on this! Also, this chapter is unbeta-ed since my beta doesn't have consistent Internet access right now.

They don’t end up having sex. He doesn’t want her to make a decision she’ll regret. (And he doesn’t want it to seem like he told her he loved her for sex.)

Instead, they watch Buzzfeed videos and talk about the guests at Jessica’s party, her girlfriend, and Jessica herself. He knows her from an engineering class. She’s studying aerospace engineering, very impressive.

She drifts asleep due to sheer exhaustion at some point.

When she wakes up, Welcome to the Black Parade is blaring. Kylo isn’t asleep next to her. She gets out of bed to look for him. He’s in the kitchen. Cooking.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I wouldn’t call making oatmeal knowing how to cook.”

“Is it the instant kind?”

“Uhhh. It didn’t come out of a packet. And I added the toppings myself.”

She moves to inspect the pot. There are chunks of green apple simmering and it smells like cinnamon.

“Cinnamonnnnnnnnnnn.” Her favorite spice.

“I thought you’d like that, babe.” He's seen her add it to her own coffee a hundred times.

“Okay no.” she shakes her head, “I don’t care if we’re ‘official’ and all ‘serious’ now. You are not calling me ‘babe.’”

 

Too cliché. Also odd when you think about what you're doing, comparing a romantic partner to a baby. And then there's all the obnoxious couples Rey has met that only refer to each other as “babe.”

“Whatever you want, princess.”

She relents to that one.

After breakfast, she drives them to Starbucks. She has a permit now, thanks to Chewy, and can drive as long as a licensed driver is in the car. He says it’s nice to finally get to control the music, even though they basically listen to the same stuff.

He helps her set up shop, like usual, but at 7:45, he leaves. For Class. On a Monday. He makes a big deal about how terrible this is, but he’s smiling. His 8 o’clock class is some practical physics course.

“I'll see you soon,” he kisses her cheek.

She knows she will. He’ll be in Philosophy 101 with her. He’s only shown up to that class once—the one time she thought she’d get in trouble for laughing at something he said. Now he’ll have to be there.

When her shift ends, she meets him in the auditorium that the giant class size warrants.

He’s the student who always sits in the back, headphones in. She usually sits in the front, laptops and notebooks out. They compromise with middle seats.

Today's lecture is a review on Plato’s Theory of Forms.

“So this guy believes that there’s more than the reality we see?” He whispers in her ear.

“Um, kinda, I guess,” Rey says absentmindedly, her eyes are on the professor, “The theory of forms basically says that everything is an imperfect version of a perfect ‘form.” It’s kind of like the movie Flatland.”

“You’ve seen that?”

“Watched in high school.”

“Okay go on.”

“Well it’s like how they figured out there was another dimension. Plato thinks we don’t and can’t see the real truth. The “realm of forms” is where the perfect versions of reality are, where you can see every dimension. So everything in the material world is a mere imitation of that.” She feels like she’s not being as cleared or detailed as she could be, but she’s multitasking, furiously typing everything the professor says as she talks.

“See, I accept the possibility of there being a shit ton of dimensions out there that we can’t perceive, but that doesn’t sound like this whole forms thing.”

“Well, fine, it is different. He basically thinks that material things are representations of Forms Slash Ideas. And that the Forms are perfect versions of material things. So take a square for example. It’s not a perfect square, rather an imitation of a perfect square. The perfect square exists in the realm of Forms and ultimate knowledge would be the ability to perceive it. You can also see Forms as like the essence of a thing. Like, the Sun is a material representation of God.”

“Wow.”

Kylo’s quiet for a moment as he jots down what the professor’s going on about.

“This sounds like a religion,” he mutters.

“Religion is a type of philosophy. Kind of.” Rey replies.

After the lecture, she has to go back to the Starbucks. He walks her there and before he leaves he whispers in her ear, “Plato was an idiot. There can't be a more perfect version of you.”

He leaves her blushing. That damn romantic.

\- - -

They leave campus around seven, when his last class is.

He’s more tired than usual, requiring a pick me up just to keep from falling asleep as soon as they reach the apartment. She makes him his In The Closet—a new nickname for the black coffee with sugar.

“It’s in the closet about being sweetened,” she explains, “You know, because it looks like it’s _straight_ black.”

He shakes his head.

\- - -

She tries to have sex with him that night. She’s particularly flirty and changes into one of his shirts—and not one of the particularly long ones.

It doesn’t take much to get him to abandon his homework for her.

They kiss ferociously. She pulls off her shirt almost immediately. She pulls him to the bed almost immediately. Every time she tries to go faster, he slows down.

“I’m not a virgin, you know.” She’s pretty sure that’s what must be bothering him. Does she really act that much like a virgin?

“What’s. That. Supposed. To. Mean.” He asks between kisses on her neck.

“It means you don’t have to try to go slow or anything.”

“I like going slow.”

She snorts, “You never used to.”

He’s usually the one escalating things.

“Well, that philosophy class has changed me,” he smirks, “If I explore the material Rey some more maybe I’ll be imagine what Form Rey is like.”

“I thought you said I was already perfect.” She takes off her bra as she says this.

“You are.” He kisses her. “Let me appreciate that.”

Fuck. He’s so persuasive when he wants to be. So they do go slow. He explores every part of her body with his long nimble fingers and burning hot tongue. But they do so much that he claims to be too tired to actually have sex.

Fine. She can wait.

On the bright side, he stays in the apartment all night. She doesn’t hear him sneak out even once. And the next morning he schedules his first appointment for therapy.

She offers to come. He insists he’s fine. Multiple times.

So, she goes to Finn and Poe’s for once.

They complain about not seeing her so much.

“You’re always holed up in that dorm.” Poe shakes his head, “You should get out more.”

Yeah. She’s still lying to her best friends. Poe was getting suspicious, so she was careful to mention doing anything with Kylo. But because she _was_ doing things with Kylo, she didn’t exactly have time to hang out as much with The Damerons. So they thought she spent all her time studying alone and working.

“Yeah,” Finn says, “You should come out with us on Friday. We’re going out to eat—you need to get away from the canteen shit.”

She expects Poe to insist she come, but when she looks at him, she sees a glimmer of panic.

He shakes his head when Finn’s turned around, stirring the chowder.

Rey takes the hint, “I’d rather not be a third wheel on real date. I mean it’s bad enough on a normal day.”

“Is that why you don’t hang out with us as much?” Her tone was teasing, but Finn sounds concerned.

She assures him that that’s not the case and changes the topic to their chowder recipe.

After dinner she manages to corner Poe about the particulars of the dinner date he didn’t want interrupted.

They’re in the garage while Finn goes on his eight o’clock run.

“I’m going to propose.”

“Finally!” Rey grins, “What’s the plan?”

“I’m taking him out to the first restaurant we went to here in the city.”

“Aww. Lemme see the ring.”

“It’s still at the jewelers.”

“Send me a pic when he says yes then.” She winks.

“Don’t jinx it.”

It’s kind of adorable how calm and confident Poe Dameron is actually afraid his long term boyfriend might reject his marriage proposal.

“I think you’ll have a lovely spring wedding.”

“Reyyy.”

She’s missed this. They should hang out more.

\- - -

Kylo says the session was okay. Okay enough for him to schedule another appointment next week.

She tells him about the proposal.

“Oh nice. Can I be your plus one to the wedding?”

“You’ll get your own invite.”

“I don’t think Poe likes me that much.”

That is an undeniable truth. The initial optimism he had toward Hux and Kylo faded when he got to know them. He might also have Protective Brother Syndrome, disliking a guy because he thinks he won’t be good for his “younger sister.”

Before she can lie about that, Kylo amends, “Wait not I can’t come as your plus one, they’re already pretty suspicious of us.”

“Actually,” Rey says slowly, “I think it might be a good idea to tell everyone. Now that we’re actually a real thing and you’re taking care of yourself.”

No longer committed to a gang.

“So you’re not embarrassed of me anymore?” He raises an eyebrow jokingly.

“I’ve never been embarrassed of you.” She says seriously.

It’s true. Her worst feelings were that bit of fear when they initially met—when he first freaked out on her—and all that worry

It’s so nice not to worry anymore.

 

\- - -

The Damerons get engaged. Midterms loom closer along with the promise of Winter Break. Before all that there’s his birthday. November 19th. She’s going to throw him a party. She has a feeling he hasn’t had many of those lately. It’ll also be a great way to make their relationship public.

The issue with planning Kylo a party is that she has almost no idea who to invite.

He doesn't have concrete friends. (Besides Finn and Poe, neither does she.)

So during lunch one day she asks, “Who are your top ten least hated people, not including me.”

“There are these students in my DiffEQ class who I work with on assignments,” he thinks, “We talk a lot and their opinions don't entirely suck.”

Aww. He has made friends.

“How many?”

“Four. Okay six more. Hmm…Emily. Steven, this guy in my mechanical engineering class. Jessica and Erica. Hux. Phasma.”

“So not the Damerons?”

“Twelve and Thirteen.”

“Who’s eleven?”

“Their cat.”

\- - -

Unfortunately, BB-8 isn’t allowed in the restaurant. Poe tells her over the phone he was downright grumpy when they left.

“Let’s hope he doesn’t destroy anything out of spite.” Rey says, “I’ll meet you at the restaurant after I grab Kylo.

She’s actually still getting ready. She ended up having to cover someone’s shift at Starbucks. After hanging up with Poe, Rey does her hair. Three buns, like she used to when she was younger. She hopes it doesn’t look weird. She thought it’d be a nice way to add dimension to her outfit. Her dress is particularly simple, a nude bodycon. And her heels match.

Kylo comes back from his American Lit class just as she’s finishing her makeup.

“You know we could just skip the reservation and stay here,” He says as he checks her out. The dress is particularly flattering to her figure.

“It’s your birthday Kylo,” Rey shakes her head, “We need to really celebrate.”

She takes the car under the claim that she wants the restaurant to be a surprise.

Which is true. The party is meant to be a surprise, otherwise he’d talk her out of throwing it, for sure.

He’s pretty shocked when “the coat closet” turns out to be a party room full of a bunch of people who raise their glasses to him.

“You threw me a party?”

“Of course,” she smiles.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. Come on, let’s dance.”

Evan, one of Kylo’s physics friends, is the unofficial DJ. Everyone else is dancing or snacking on the appetizers. And then there's Finn and Poe, slow dancing to pop music.

“Can we just do that?” He asks.

“Sure.”

The song changes as soon as they join hands on the floor. A slow song. As requested by Poe.

They don’t really dance as much as sway. Rey cannot waltz. Especially not in heels.

After that dance they order meals and listen to birthday songs.

“Kylo,” She toasts him before they start eating, “Here’s surviving twenty two years on this crazy world. You’re an amazing bandmate, friend, and boyfriend and I hope you have a fantastic year.”

“Boyfriend?” Poe asks instead of taking a sip of his wine.

Rey takes her glass in one long sip then answers, “We’ve been seeing each other since October.”

He doesn’t make a scene. Instead, he texts her.

// _You had to lie to us?//_

She explains that she didn’t want to tell them at first because she knew that they wouldn’t be supportive and she didn’t know how things would end up. He’s still a little hurt. So is Finn.

She apologizes thoroughly. They accept begrudgingly.

The dinner is great. The food is just as good as the five star reviews implied. The conversations are thoughtful and funny. They discuss everything from politics to 3D printing to movies.

Kylo tells her afterwards, when they’re home, that it was probably the best birthday he’s ever had.

“I could make it even better.” She says saucily.

She starts kissing him, deeply and leads him to his room. She cleaned it up pretty nicely before they left. It’s bathed in the yellow light of the bedside table lamps. It the light makes the sleek room feel warmer and makes that bed even more inviting.

She’s afraid that he’ll stop it this time too. They still haven’t had sex, and she’s starting to suspect that he wants to avoid it.

But that can’t be the case tonight. He’s the one that gets on top of her. He’s the one taking off her dress. He’s the one pulling out the condom.

\- - -

“I can’t imagine any birthday being better than this one.”

“Maybe next year.”

“Next year?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are much appreciated. :)


End file.
